Inadequacy

Has anyone besides me every felt inadequacy? Be it in a new or different job, a church calling, a parenting role? I can tell you right here and now that I have! This may sound strange, but it's the honest to goodness truth--Sometimes I feel so inadequate to be Tim's wife!

Matching shirts from Jill! :)

(This is your chance to bust outta here if you don't want to read a sappy post)

Yes yes, husbands and wives are supposed to be equals. And I feel equally yolked and all that stuff. I just look up to Tim so much! He completely amazes me with how fantastic he is. How kind hearted and how patient he is with me. He is sooo patient with me, all the time! I idolize this kid, in everything he does. And boy do I feel lucky to be his for eternity and to call him mine for eternity, but also, every once and a while, I have an honest feeling of inadequacy come over me. How, how, HOW did I get so blessed? To land a shot at forever with this guy who doesn't judge me, let alone anyone who crosses his path. A guy who puts EVERYONE'S needs before his own. A guy who jokes with me but knows how to be serious and sentimental, who apologizes when he thinks he is wrong or just when he knows I need to hear it, who talks of Christ and follows His example. Tim sacrifices  whatever he can to help someone who needs it. I swear he makes it his everyday goal to make someone happy, be friend, reach out to a stranger or tell someone how much they mean to him. I absolutely cannot wait to see him father our children in such a loving and kind manner. I desperately hope our kids inherit his awesome personality. I don't think there is a person he's met who doesn't like him, or an old friend who doesn't completely light up when they see him around town someplace. He digs deep into the gospel and wow, if I didn't feel inadequate before, just wait until him and his brother and dad start talking gospel doctrine. I'm just begging him to pick me up and carry me with him to the Celestial Kingdom ;)
The other thing I love about Mr. Right? We can be THE biggest weirdos together. Ohhhh my goodness. Our relationship is raw and real here people, we are weirdos. We are strange.
We argue, we call each other out, we push each other's buttons, we roll over and face the wall, we apologize, we forgive. And I'm grateful for those times too. I'm grateful to know this isn't some fairytale, I'm grateful to know we can work through things even if it takes longer than a conversation. I'm grateful he'll stick with me.
Just one last thought and I'll wrap this bad boy up. I've been meaning to write this memory down for months and haven't done it, but don't worry, I still remember every detail!
One morning last fall when Tim was working his old job, I woke up while he was getting ready for work. He had to be there by 5:30 am, it was nuts and we are both glad that's over with. This particular morning, I remember waking up and seeing him walking around the casita getting ready to leave. All the sudden this huge wave of gratitude covered my entire body. My heart has never felt SO grateful. I don't really cry, but this impression I had made me almost do just that. I really felt like I was going to cry, but I didn't want Tim to come in and see me crying and ask me what's wrong and then not be able to explain it properly and also make him late for work. I felt so consumed by gratitude that he is mine, this hard working guy who will wake up that early (it was a real struggle, I felt so bad. He was always so tired.) to provide for me, and our future family! From the time we first talked about getting married, he was focused on how he will be able to provide for us. I truly admire that in him and appreciate it. It's just something he does, he doesn't claim it as a burden and he doesn't complain. He gracefully takes that mantel upon himself and, I am ever so grateful. That moment of pure gratitude will stick with me forever. One day I hope I can properly express it to him, that sweet husband of mine :)